Alphabet, Schmalphabet – F, f

SONY DSCFlying floating free and slow
High or in between or low

Flying’s easy if you try
Take two steps and grab the sky

Flying all last night I found
Air is friendlier than ground

Flying slower than the wind
I took the moonlight in my hand

Flying through the midnight trees
I left the moonlight on the leaves

Flying must have been a dream
But that’s not the way it seemed.

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Alphabet, Schmalphabet – B, b

Pietro Bartoli,  Amalthea & Zeus (engraving from Wonders of Ancient Rome, 1693)Billy blew a bubble
With a piece of bubblegum.
Betty blew a bubble too.
Baby wanted some.

Baby chewed and Baby blew
Bit by bit by bit by bit;
The bubble grew, and grew… and grew…
Baby wouldn’t quit.

One day Baby’s got to stop
Or else that bubble has to pop.

Alphabet, Schmalphabet – I, i

Ivory, ice and India ink,
Dirty water from the sink,
Ivy and an ibis feather.
Mix these things all up together

Put them in an iron pot.
With a few things I forgot
Then recite a magic spell
Of words that no one knows too well.

Stir it with a bunch of leeks
For a day and seven weeks
Until it starts to stink.
Then drink.

It might taste like a giant squid.
It might taste like an Irish stew.
It might make you invisible
Or it might turn you blue;

It might make you very, very tall.
It might turn you into nothing at all.
It might turn you into a banyan tree.
But if it does, please don’t blame me.

Alphabet, Schmalphabet – O, o

Oh, an Octopus is just the thing
When you’re out of string.

Yes, instead of a ball of twine
An Octopus works fine.

Last Christmas Eve I got a box
Done up in Octopus-knots.

It’s nicely tied — there’s even a bow.
But what’s inside? I still don’t know.

The Octopus

Alphabet, Schmalphabet – D, d

Debbie drew a dancing dog
On the wall, in the hall

Debbie sang a magic song
To the air, on a dare

Then the dog danced off the wall
On the floor, through the door

It danced into the living room
Jitterbugged, on the rug

The dog danced up, the dog danced down
Here and there, on the chair

The dog danced with the plates and cups
With the ladle, on the table

The dog danced up to Debbie’s brother
But he cried, tried to hide

So the dog danced out the door
On the lawn, then was gone.

Alphabet, Schmalphabet – E, e

Everything, everything, up in the trees
Trees, trees, blow in the breeze
Everything up in the trees will fall,
Fall on our noggins and end us all.

Easy the breeze that will blow it all down
Eleven black hearses to haul us to town
Elderly mourners to cry us to rest
Everything’s all for the best, the best
The best, the best, the best.


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Alphabet, Schmalphabet – G, g

A Genie, gigantic and finally free
Glared down at the guy who had rubbed his lamp – me.

He was fifty feet tall at least – probably more –
And his teeth were like knives, in a mouth like a door.
His eyes were all red and his skin was all green
And he didn’t look happy.  He looked pretty mean.

He grabbed me and lifted me up to his head
And he opened his mouth, and I thought I was dead
Till he puckered his lips… and he kissed me instead.

Then he put me down gently and waved his great hand
And I guess he’s gone off to some faraway land.

But I smell like his breath and my face is still damp
And next time I’ll use an electrical lamp.